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Self-confidence is an outlook, which allows individuals to have indisputable, yet realistic views of the themselves and their circumstance. Self-confident people have faith in their own talent, have a general sense of control over their lives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they want to do.

Confidence is a demeanor that is learned through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that expectation will cause a feeling of confidence.

For example: A young man wants to be a boxer, so he gets a trainer and a manager. His manager will not put him into a bout until he has generated enough skill and stamina. And even then, the manager will only put him up against an adversary that he knows his fighter can crush. When his fighter beats the challenger, he is successful, and starts to gain a feeling of faith in his capabilities.

With each competition, the manager puts his contestant up against an adversary who is a slightly better challenger then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young man begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to accrue. This series of events continues to repeat itself. And as long as the man is victorious, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to accrue.

If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and begin to expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Having true self-confidence doesn't mean that individuals will be able to do everything. People, who have true self-confidence, usually have expectations that are attainable. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.

People, who are not self-confident, tend to rely excessively on the confirmation of others in order to feel self-esteem. They avoid risks because of the fear of failure. They belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive.

Conversely, self-confident people are willing take a chance on disappointing others because they generally trust their own potential. A person can have lots of abilities, but still lack confidence. A lack of confidence is often the result of centering completely on the unreal expectations of other people, especially parents and friends. The domination of friends can be more powerful than those of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self.

Assumptions That Continue to Influence Self-Confidence

In response to external influences, people create beliefs; some of these are good, and some are bad. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and better ways of thinking are:

ASSUMPTION: I always have to be successful at every challenge that I undertake. This assumption is totally unrealistic. In real life, each person has his strengths and his weaknesses. While it's important to do the best that one can, it's more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that no one knows everything nor are they an expert at everything.

ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this assumption is totally unrealistic. All human beings are deficient. It's better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.

ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present.

ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences when you were a young child, as you gain maturity, you can gain consciousness and perspective on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless because of your past. HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE

Emphasize your strengths. Bestow upon yourself credit for everything you can do. And bestow upon yourself acknowledgment for every new thing that you are willing to try.

Take risks. Adopt the attitude of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I learn what does not work, and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can try some other action.

Use Self-Talk: Use self-talk as a method to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting yourself to be perfect, remind yourself that no one can do everything perfectly, and that it's only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself while still improving.

Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently lack confidence in. But see yourself behaving as like a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many effective NLP and Hypnosis procedures that are effective and will instill a tremendous amount of self-confidence from within your subconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking confidence!

Self-Evaluate: Learn to judgerank yourself as an individual. Circumvent the perpetual sense of chaos that comes from relying too much on the opinions of others.

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Alan B. Densky, CH. is certified hypnotist and NLP Practitioner. He opened his practice in 1978. He is the inventor of Neuro-VISION, an NLP / Video hypnosis technology that received a US Patent because of its effectiveness. Neuro-VISION has been perfected for weight loss hypnosis and video quit smoking hypnosis. Visit the Neuro-VISION NLP & Hypnosis site and download FREE MP3's hypnosis newsletters, and original articles on hypnosis & NLP.